Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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