Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
