Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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