honey bunches of taint.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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