just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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