i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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