This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
