Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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