I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
