I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
