I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
