I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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