How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
