woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
