hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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