fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
