it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
