Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
