i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
