Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
