she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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