Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He has no idea heβs my boyfriend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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