omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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