Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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