Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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