i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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