I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
