It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
