Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
