Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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