I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
