If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Randomize
