please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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