i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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