Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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