I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she told me i tasted like america
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
