I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize