You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
