And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
