dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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