I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize