You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
