My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
