I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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