2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
