um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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