I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
