the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
