please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
