Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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