i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
