Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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