Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
