Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
