she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
