God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
