It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
