I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
