sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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