She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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