the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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