For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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