I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
