last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
