Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
