you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
