I heard we made out
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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