i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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