You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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