I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Operation Purity has been aborted
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
