I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
