The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE