you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
