Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
