i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
