Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.

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  (630): just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description. http://tfl.nu/30ew
  Replies (13) Good night (626) Bad night (2518)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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  (501): i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there http://tfl.nu/kuz7
  Replies (17) Good night (4869) Bad night (711)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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  (503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1
  Replies (32) Good night (1136) Bad night (5464)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5378) Bad night (859)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.

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  (407): I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on. http://tfl.nu/fzv2
  Replies (20) Good night (992) Bad night (3296)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.

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  (304): I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough. http://tfl.nu/4w8d
  Replies (11) Good night (1178) Bad night (3600)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.

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  (316): And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you. http://tfl.nu/vzzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3920) Bad night (1120)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

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  (817): Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there. http://tfl.nu/ie6m
  Replies (8) Good night (2899) Bad night (2080)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

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  (409): He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this' http://tfl.nu/libu
  Replies (15) Good night (5515) Bad night (1264)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

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  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8226) Bad night (1092)
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  (415): View more from California

  It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.

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  (415): It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards. http://tfl.nu/fyj9
  Replies (9) Good night (2123) Bad night (967)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY

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  (304): Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY http://tfl.nu/auio
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (478)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me

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  (206): She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me http://tfl.nu/zp1n
  Replies (11) Good night (2237) Bad night (555)
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  (518): View more from New York

  No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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  (518): No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once. http://tfl.nu/gul1
  Replies (4) Good night (621) Bad night (656)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"

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  (612): Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here" http://tfl.nu/wz3j
  Replies (1) Good night (1374) Bad night (375)

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