im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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